


Silence in the darkness

by Shulik



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fix-It, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 17:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5751061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shulik/pseuds/Shulik





	Silence in the darkness

The world is on fire, lightning dancing on the tip of Kylo’s tongue, electricity sparking every fiber of his being, a subtle reminder of what will happen to him if he doesn’t succeed and his father is on the run. 

Kylo Ren stalks forward, stormtroopers running in efficient patterns as they search for his father and all he can hear is the blood pounding in his ears. 

Everything feels sharp, like Kylo’s balancing on the brittle edge of a knife.

Snoke had created lightning out of air, lightning like Kylo Ren had never seen before, thick and jagged- it had smelled like blood, nothing like the ozone smell he still remembers- and when it had struck him, ripping open the still healing scars on his body, Kylo Ren had screamed like it was the first time again and he was fifteen and still shaking from having murdered a temple full of children. 

_His father had taken him to his first bar, when Ben had been thirteen. He had been in training for three years then, Luke’s teachings wearing thin and when Han had come to visit during his biweekly trips- Ben had taken the first opportunity he could to leave._

_He had lied to his father, something about needing to get away from the kids at the temple and Han had grinned, overjoyed that his teenage son, brooding, sulky and with a temper that had begun to scare them was finally coming back to the sweet boy who had sat quietly in the Falcon, handing Han tools as he worked and listening to Chewie complain._

Kylo Ren has a secret, he thinks, manic and desperate as he stalks across the bridge. Kylo Ren misses his mommy and daddy, he thinks and the words are knives cutting into him- Hux’s earlier jeers coming back as he had stepped away from Snoke’s audience. 

He could have killed Hux, he knows, he should have- except somewhere, deep inside, where Ben Solo who had loved to read and who cried when his fish died, making Leia forbid Han from anymore pets, somewhere down there- Ben Solo was feverish and stirring, ten years of being under Snoke’s control fraying at the edges.

“Ben!”, and Kylo Ren stops, foot hovering above the bridge. Surely, surely this is a hallucination brought on by the day he’s had, by the fires licking at the edges of his subconscious, his heart thudding painfully against his ribcage. “Ben!”

His foot never touches the floor, Kylo Ren hesitates, takes a breath and turns around.

The first thing he thinks, is that his father looks _old_. Han Solo has never been a handsome man, but his innate charm, the quick smile and quip, his ability to charm anyone have always been his defining features. The man in front of him looks frail, bent slightly with age and something else. 

Maybe disappointment that his son, his only child grew up to be a mass murderer. 

“Ben,” Han reaches out, a hand in the air- “Ben it’s me, please. Please, I’m here to take you home Ben. Your mother and I,” his hand falters, fingers grasping at the chasm between his son and him, “we want you back.”

The electricity has ratcheted up another level, a continuous sharp pain like knives running through Kylo’s nerves, every muscle in his body taught with tension and his traitorous heart beating so painfully against his ribs- he’s sure his father can see it. 

“It’s too late,” he says, doesn’t recognize his voice, the dullness of it, the soft finality, “there’s no coming back from this”. 

Han takes two steps forward, hope and wariness, the justified fear of his son the murderer and the strangling need to hug his child making him reckless. “Ben, it’s not too late, you can come home- please”, he begs. 

His voice cracks. 

The lightsaber in Kylo’s hand is stiff in his fingers, a rictus of his old determination, his single-mindedness and obsessive drive gripping him. 

There’s screaming in his blood now, all of his nervers are on fire and not so distantly, Kylo thinks that he can feel Snoke rising, stretching, the Force becoming a perverse chasm of power in his grasp. 

“It’s killing me,” Kylo Ren says and Ben flutters beneath his skin, echoes in every thud of his heart, “I can’t take it anymore.”

Han takes another step forward, a terrible hope lighting his eyes and his hand makes contact with Kylo Ren’s elbow. It feels like being stabbed, the worst pain that Kylo’s experienced today but by far, not the worst pain that he’s experienced lately.

“Ben, we love you-“ his father begs and steps closer, his chest against Kylo’s hand, the frantic thudding of his heart echoing in Kylo Ren’s ribcage. “Please,” he says. 

It would be so easy to slip his lightsaber between his father’s ribs, just watch the flesh split and his decision would be made, the agony would stop and Kylo Ren would finally be strong enough to withstand the agony of choice. 

Kylo Ren breathes in and Ben Solo breathes out, like stepping out of the dark and rising from a freezing lake in midwinter- it feels like forgiveness, a choice made out of desperate necessity and yearning and love so sharp, it’s cutting him to pieces just standing here. 

His lightsaber falls from his grip, the bright red flare of it spinning wildly in the darkness of the abyss below them. 

Han’s eyes grow wide and his lips jerk upwards, not quite a smile, more like the rictus movement of a corpse coming back to life, awkward and unyielding. 

“Alright,” says Ben and the world abruptly stops spinning, stops to focus on the edges of his father’s face, the lines by his father’s eyes, “alright.”

_Han had bought his son his first bottle of Corellian liquor, had sat in the bar with Ben and laughed as Ben sputtered, coughed and hacked up a lung as the liquor left a burning trail in his throat. “I love you kid,” Had had said, laughing a little in the face of Ben’s furious indignation, two high spots of colour marking up Ben’s pale coloring- “I hope you know that.”_


End file.
